Making or avoiding eye contact is a choice - at least for most of us. People with social anxiety disorder or autism may find it difficult or even painful to make eye contact, and there’s more about that in the resources section below. We choose to make eye contact for many reasons: connection, persuasion, making a point with greater intensity. Studies show that eye contact will help people to notice us, and make our words more memorable.

We don’t really have control over our eyes in the way we do, for example, our mouth. Pupils involuntarily dilate when you like something, and contract as a sign of rejection. We often narrow our eyes when we’re listening, either because we don’t understand or because we doubt the authenticity of what we’re hearing.

Watching the eyes of people we’re talking to can tell us a lot. People generally don’t look you in the eye if they’re lying. We might notice someone’s gaze shift elsewhere and we know with certainty they are no longer listening to us. (Or perhaps you’ve been caught doing that very thing yourself!) There’s the eye roll when something outlandish is said. Tears when we share something heartbreaking. Compassion in times of trouble. Strength and determination when we need a boost. Happiness during a good time. So many emotions shine through the eyes and tell us more accurately than words what another person is feeling.

There is a word, smizing, which means smiling with your eyes. This is also referred to as the Duchenne smile, named after the French anatomist Guillaume Duchenne. It involves contraction of both the zygomatic major muscle (which raises the corners of the mouth) and the orbicularis oculi muscle (which raises the cheeks and forms crow's feet around the eyes). Whether you call it a Duchenne smile or a smize, it is the smile of pure enjoyment. I hope that you experience one today.